Copyright
© 1999 by Ethan A. Winning
"Deadline's Tuesday," she said after I finally answered the phone.
"And, exactly what does that mean to me," I asked?
"Well, we're running low on your articles. Don't you want to be in this month's paper?"
"For what I'm getting paid, I'm not sure I care. For the sake of argument, what do you want me to write about?"
"How about 'flattening the organization'?"
"Which one?"
"Any one. Doesn't matter."
"It might to the people in the organization."
"You know I was being rhetorical."
"All of life seems to be rhetoric nowadays."
"What happened? You get up on the wrong side of the bed?"
"No, but did you ever have one of those days when something isn't quite right...like you find out at 10 a.m. that your underwear's on backward?"
"Can't say that I have. Anyway, how about an article on the hot topic of flattening the organization, you know, doing away with the corporate hierarchy?"
"Can't be done. You cannot flatten an organization or do away with the hierarchy. You might be able to make a company smaller through layoffs; you might even give the appearance of being more profitable for awhile, but sooner or later the layers are added, and you're fat again."
"How can you come to that conclusion?"
"Common sense and 30 years experience. Look, a company lays off 30 percent of its workforce. Does that make it flatter? No, just thinner. Okay, so we'll get rid of the hierarchy. There'll just be two levels in the company: the President and everyone else, 'cept we know that there are sub-layers which remain because we can't all be chiefs. But, we take away the titles. Still, there are those with offices with windows and carpeting, and there are those with cubbyholes and lineloleum, and there are those with a wood desk, and those with no desk at all. Of course, we have those making $200,000 a year and those making $20,000 a year. Do we have a hierarchy? You bet we do. You can no more have an organization - by definition - without a hierarchy than you can a classless society."
"But we wouldn't need so many levels if people were empowered."
"As I believe I said last week, and I quote, 'Bull!' Everyone wants to be empowered but no one wants accountability. The word may not even exist anymore; it's been so long since I heard it. Oh, I'll take a little more responsibility, and give me some of those and I'll have a few of those, but whatever you do, don't hold me accountable.
It's all just the jargon of the 90's. We had it in the 70's and 80's, and now we've got virtual this and virtual that, but we have nothing concrete, just words. No new concepts. Sure we do things on computers, but we used to do them on paper, it just took longer. Why, I'll bet there are people out there who think that we didn't have spreadsheets in the 60's, or databases, or even games before computers.
You know what we have today? We have fewer unions, more instability, same amount of mergers and acquisitions...."
"Whoa, where'd you get this idea that we have the same amount of mergers and acquisitions?"
"Ah, that's right, you're a year younger than I. Well, go back to the 60's. Litton Industries must have bought 15 companies in a three year period. North American Rockwell was merging and divesting all at the same time, kind of activity for activity's sake. Banks were buying other banks, yeah even back then. See, we haven't moved all that far. There's no real information revolution, either. The information's here and now. The only revolution is that it's going to take years and years to get all that stuff on computers. But how many people will actually be able to access it? Not that many. How many will want to access it? 'Bout as many as use the public libraries, what's left of them. How many will be able to understand the information once it's been accessed? If statistics are accurate, the illiteracy rate will be so high in ten years, that only one-half the population will be able to read at a high school level."
"So you really think that all we've got now is a new vocabulary?"
"That's what I think. Like the Managerial Grid, Transaction Analysis, Quality Circles, and stuff like that. We send someone to a two-day seminar, and she comes back and no longer says, 'Hey, you're a compromiser.' Uh, uh. Just as in the 70's, she comes back and says, 'You're a 5/5.' Sorry, 'You're a virtual 5/5.' Instead of 'What's your sign,' it's 'What's your Net address?"
"You know what they say: if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. What's your solution?"
"Here are some random thoughts. The solutions are clear, I just don't know how to cause them to happen. Education: Teach people to read and write, to think. Pay teachers more than doctors. Limit television news programs to 15 minutes. Reward those who do something for society, not to society. Make attorneys major in English and logic before they get their law degrees. Make any insurance company prove that they have to raise premiums. Make it mandatory for all HR Managers to have been fired from at least one job before they can apply for that position. All company senior managers must be pet owners, and prove that they care for them. No law can be passed by Congress with any attachments. I mean, what the hell does employee insurance benefits have to do with an omnibus budget reconciliation act? Get rid of ATMs. Make it mandatory for all banks to have at least six human tellers in each of their branches. Make Jesse Helms go away. And, fer godsakes, outlaw the use of leaf blowers!"
"All this anger and hostility. I think you're in denial."
"You would be, too, if you put your underwear on backwards."