Copyright 2005 by Ethan A. Winning. All Rights Reserved.
As I was leaving the dentist's office the other day, a techie who had also finished with a cleaning was thumbing his next appointment into his PDA. By the time he was finished, not only was mine penciled in, but I was in my car on the way back to the office. Now in my middle age (if I live to be 150) though I adapt well, I am not as enamored of new technology as younger people. I probably also have less stress than anyone between the ages of six and 40.
It's been almost 20 years since the unknown "They" were touting what was to be the paperless office. Yeah, right! We are now consuming 22 percent more paper than in 1985, though none of that in calendars.
My last PDA wasn't exactly a PDA. It was a 1987 Casio Boss, and held 5,000 names, phone numbers, and addresses and had a 200-year calendar. At the time, I knew maybe 100 people and, even though I was healthy, didn't expect to live to 2285. The "Personal Data Assistants" of today hold 100,000 names and addresses, and now I only know 30 people. I don't know their phone numbers: they're all on speed dial.
Look, some gadgets are great, but in the short run they're just toys that make the currently affluent less fluent. These are not expensive toys that free us up, but rather tie us down in and to some perverse universal village. You can escape if you have the money, and you can have the money if you don't spend it on the technology and toys. You have the way, but do you have the will?
Greatest Inventions of the Last 20 Years:
Speed Dial. It allows you to phone your friends to talk about absolutely nothing while you're driving. The only problem with speed dial is the pressure of rank ordering the first five. After all, you're not supposed to show favoritism, but which of your kids (or parents) gets to be 1# and which 2?
Caller ID: This great service allows you to avoid all the people you talked to while driving when you actually have better things to do.
TiVo: It allows you to record all the TV shows you'll never get a chance to watch, and news that becomes old by the time you do watch it. However, it should actually be first on the list since I haven't seen a commercial in almost four years, and can get through any hour show in 26 minutes ... plus 15 minutes for pausing to ask, "What'd she say?"
MP3 Players: When you're not on the phone with friends (and family after 9 PM), you get to listen to over 5,000 songs. Amazingly, you find that 5,000 isn't enough because you can never get to the one you really want and the other 4,999 have become all-too-familiar.
While The Woz at Apple and the folks at Rio work on a thumb wheel that will allow instant access, you still have to watch the screen. Ah, but the new Pod doesn't have a screen. Still, it's really great to carry around my entire CD collection and be able to get lost in Rachmaninff's 3rd while walking the dog to Godknowswhere. Hey, it's his walk: let him go where he wants.
Worst Inventions:
The Blackberry and Its Ilk: This, along with your games, really do lead to a painful condition where your thumbs become inflamed. The kids of today will evolve or devolve into people of 80 with two huge thumbs and eight vestigial fingers useful only in sushi bars.
Cell Phones: I got my first car phone in 1984! I had to dial for a mobile operator, but it was great to be able to call and tell a client I was going to be late, or to call Jaguar and tell them that I lost another transmission.
I don't remember when I got my first cell phone, but whenever it was, it lost its novelty after a week. Small and useless. At least in the hilly San Francisco Bay area, "Can you hear me now," was and still is the catch phrase of the century.
There are two good things to come of the cell phone: (1) people get to use their whole houses in an attempt to find the one square foot where they can be heard by whoever they're trying to call during their "free minutes," and (2) they get to see their neighbors in their driveways from time to time. Driveways seem to be natural conductors of wireless signals.
But what if I get into an accident (while driving and talking on the phone)? You could get OnStar.® Or, if you don't want to pay $800 a year on the off chance that you could have a flat, you could use your old cell phone for 911. You do know that any cell phone can still dial 911? Of course, the folks at 911 might fine you $800 for calling because you were stupid enough to lock your keys in the car, but even so, it's a wash.
Wireless Anything: Okay, so you can get 12 feet away from where you used to be, and you can carry your phone - again with the phone! - out to the garage. God forbid you should miss a call! Ah, but then again, you might need to get that call to find out when the repairman, plumber, electrician, etc. is supposed to show up.
Instant Messaging: An offshoot of the PDA, the Blackberry, and email, this is the most juvenile and annoying invention of them all. The only instant message I really need is, "Your car's on fire." And I sure don't need it in code.
Email: Email used to be great. Unfortunately, email is now 90 percent junk. The 10 percent we need takes us too long to separate out. Email has also led to the inability to write a letter, communicate ideas in more than a simple - a very simple - sentence, or spell or be gramatically correct. Besides, email allows us to keep in touch anywhere in the world. Why would I want to be in touch when I'm supposed to be "away?"
Greatest Loss:
The Typewriter: You simply can't do labels and envelopes faster with a computer.
Fountain Pens: There was something grand about the penmanship of our parents and grandparents. Now, not only can't people write, but they've forgotten wt vwls r 4.
What I'm telling you is that I can note a date in a paper calendar ten times faster than anyone can enter data into their phone or rasp, blue, or black berry. Labor saving devices today are labor intensive and, those that do save work, only create time to play around with other devices. Never has keeping in touch become such a pain in the ass. Don't you ever just want to be left alone?